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But I want to respect however you choose to live your life, and if you’ve decided you would rather marry a woman despite being attracted to men, I could find a way to support that if your relationship were not based on hiding this information from her. I think you should begin by appealing to your brother: “I love you so much, and I think the world of you just as you are, and it breaks my heart that you think you have to ‘fix’ the fact that you’re gay. For what it’s worth, I believe that your read of the situation is accurate, that the conversion therapy your brother suffered as a teenager likely “cured” him of nothing but contributed to a great deal of pain and self-hatred, and that a marriage between your brother and his girlfriend according to their current understanding would be ill-advised. I can’t quite see my way to saying, “Yes, you should out your deeply closeted, self-loathing brother.” That said, I feel a great deal of compassion for his girlfriend, especially as it seems likely that she has no idea the man she loves is gay.
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I think telling his girlfriend about his confession might be the only way to save them. Since all my pleas have fallen on deaf ears, I am wondering if you can tell me: Should I say something to his girlfriend? I am afraid that if he goes through with this proposal they will both be unhappy. She doesn’t know that he’s gay-my brother told me he’s never told her.
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I’ve always tried to counter my parents’ preaching, but I’m worried it’s too late. It breaks my heart to see him so miserable. He appears happy on the surface, but to me, he seems broken and deflated, and I see no real joy in his relationships.
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Since then, he has gone out with a series of young women and is planning on proposing to his current girlfriend. I told him I would support him no matter what, but my parents made him listen to lectures about how being gay is a sin, and how he could change if he really tried, and sent him to a “conversion therapy” camp. When he was 18, my brother tearfully confessed to me and my parents that he is gay. My younger brother and I (he’s 28, I’m 30) were raised in an extremely conservative evangelical household. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the live discussion. Got a burning question for Prudie? She’ll be online here on Slate to chat with readers each Monday at noon. Please send your questions for publication to. Get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week by signing up in the box below.